01/19/2007         Monroe Brewers Sign Three During Winter Talks (joke)

MONROE, WI -- The Brewers have lured another player away from the temptation of HTL western section. A Home Talent League source told HTL.org on Wednesday that Monroe has a vocal commitment from the power hitting shortstop Jeff Newcomer.

Monroe general manager Rooney Janecke has previously expressed an interest in locking up Newcomer, and tried for the 2006 season. Newcomer will hopefully stay with the Brewers through at least 2010.

When reached by phone on Thursday, Janecke said that the two sides "were working on something," but he would neither confirm nor deny that an agreement was in place. The official signing is expected to come in the next month or two, according to the source.

Newcomer was guaranteed that he would get one Kenny Gratz brat, fee of charge, after each home game.  Also, his agent is negotiating a free coke into the contract as well. This contract is good through 2010.

Newcomer, who remained on injured reserve (Tommy John Surgery) all of the 2006 with Whitewater HTL, exclaimed “I cannot wait to come back and play in front of my hometown fans.”  Newcomer previously played for Monroe HTL, but went to college and won a National Championship with UW-Whitewater.  Newcomer’s vocal commitment came in the wake of an email that batting practice pitcher and bullpen catcher, Eric Hardel, had moved and would no longer be with the team.  Lon Scheuerell, Monroe’s co-general manager, said, “The loss of Eric was a huge blow to both the team, and our self-esteem.  It really took the wind out of our sails.  After beating Wiota in the 2006 playoffs, we had huge plans to increase Eric’s work-load to team mascot.”  Newcomer will solidify the Brewers line-up, probably as a clean-up hitter, because Scheuerell did such a pathetic job there during the 2006 campaign.

Also departing ways with the Brewers in 2006 were Dennis Janecke, who received a much better offer in Butte, Montana as a dentist, Kal Engelkens, who never showed up to play, and Jason DiGise, one of the slipperiest Brewers of all-time. Last season, after a team karaoke session at “Brother’s Bar on 2^nd Street,” in Platteville, WI, DiGise failed to show up the rest of the season.  And if that was not bad enough, he still has our $150 uniform.  There is a reward for the uniform’s retrieval.  Monroe co-manager, Rooney Janecke (the cheapest human being alive), said he would buy the hero one beer from “Old Smokey’s” tavern in Monroe. 

Also acquired to replace the departed Brewers were Joel Wild and Mike Cleary.  Wild, a leprechaun, who was spotted by Brewer headhunters in the Lucky Charms softball league, has potential to be both a stick and a defensive player in the outfield. Scheuerell said, “If he does not pan out, at least he has a little strike zone.”  The latter of the two is a Pine Bluff HTL product that is experiencing college baseball at the well-known baseball school Highland Community College.  He is the brother-in-law of Scott White, a current Brewer.

Scheuerell and Janecke said they were both pleased with the off-season additions.  “We can’t wait until our first game this season. I think Monroe could be a force this year,” said Scheuerell.